The talk with Tanshi2a that took place two weeks ago at Silkor in Abu Dhabi Mall, left the moms with mixed emotions of guilt, accomplishment, difficulty, success, and puzzlement. As Mrs. Anisa Al Sahrif, Conscious Parenting Educator and Social Entrepreneur, discussed a few essential tools that help in building a solid connection with our children, she also provided the audience with real life situations and examples from daily challenges we, as parents, face.
Human beings are characterized by being emotional, and our emotions play a major role in our decisions and actions. In fact, understanding a parent’s emotions is as equally important as understanding that of a child. As per Mrs. Al Sharif, once we comprehend ourselves, we will definitely apprehend our children. Once we work on our sentiments, we are able to grasp our children’s reaction with more ease. Thus, we build an extraordinary connection with them.
As parents and caregivers, we need to learn to accept that crying is a healthy way to process emotions. It allows our children to let out their frustration and address certain needs – like having you around. A child might cry because of fatigue, hunger, or simply because she misses her parent’s presence. Mrs. Al Sharif adamant statement is that the more love and warmth we provide our child with, the more trust and cooperation we build.
A child’s behaviour, Mrs. Al Sharif, explains is very similar to an iceberg. We tend to see only the tip of it, but we need to learn to look behind it in order to recognize and address the emotion that lies beneath. At the same time, as parents we need to learn to put limits in a way that gives them the space to experiment and make their own mistakes in order to build their personality and resilience.
She continued to explicitly provide the attendees with a set of five main parenting by connection tools that can build that bond:
- Special Time:
For this tool, Mrs. AlSharif suggests that the parent sets a date every single day with the child. It can be anything between 3 minutes to an hour. Put an alarm to set a boundary, and let the child choose what she wants to do. It could be anything from doing experiments to jumping on the bed. Make sure to provide the child with much warmth and eye contact. She strongly encourages the parent to simply enjoy those moments with the child, promote laughter, and not to give advice.
In this spontaneous tool, Mrs. Al Sharif encourages the parent to follow the laughter and encourage the fun in their relation with their children. The child will always take the lead in these situations with the adult taking the less powerful role. Laughter has an incredible power to heal any hard emotions – exactly like crying. When a child is comfortable to express her feelings, the handling of emotions is achieved. In playlistening, it is advised not to tickle the child in order to leave the feelings of joy and laughter come from within the child. Apparently tickling a child results in having forced emotions which might result in negative consequences later on in life as adults.
- Setting Limits:
Setting limits with a child is essential for both. It is advised that a parent takes a minute to breathe before interfering with the trouble that is causing the child for having a tantrum or any kind of frenzy outburst. A parent can learn how to stop off-track behavior with love, warmth, and respect.
Once a child’s needs are understood and listened to, the tension is released and the child can think. At the most challenging times, parents need to listen deeply and attentively. Once the issue is resolved the child can connect and ponder on the behavior that resulted.
- Listening Partnership:
Parenting is tough, and parents need to be supported. This tool is about processing our own emotions and understanding what triggers us as parents. Having a person who can listen to us, with no judgment and without offering any advice, is a great way that can help us identify and handle our own emotions.
In conclusion, a child’s neural pathways grow through love, respect, eye contact, and listening. All of these result in connection which is vital for parents and children alike.
Thank you Mrs. Al Sharif for this insightful talk which was an eye-opener to most of our attendees.
PS: More pictures will soon be posted on the thehelicoptermommy Facebook page, so stay tuned.