The transformation that happens to a woman when she becomes a mom is something beyond words. The emotions she experiences are way beyond description, and the struggles she faces know no limits.
However, the things that a mom is not aware of are the endless lessons which she attains from her very own children.
So what has each of my five taught me?
My eldest D:
As I look back to that young mom in me, almost 13 years ago, I would smile and observe how much I have changed. I was six months pregnant with my first baby, and I was more than excited to that moment where I would finally wrap him in my arms, drinking in his scent.
I was still living in France back then, and life was not at its best. I was working as a full time teacher, I barely saw my husband due to the hectic work routine, I was homesick, and I felt bitter.
What killed me the most was the fact that I knew I had to keep my baby boy at a nursery at the age of 3 months and go back to work. I was simply not ready for that kind of separation and it tortured me to even think about him being taken care of by a complete stranger.
One night, I put my hand on my round tight belly and prayed with all the strength and faith I had, asking the Almighty to take us somewhere – just anywhere – away from the country. A month later, with happy tears streaming down my cheeks, I was packing to live in Abu Dhabi for a year – or that is what we thought would happen!
From that day on my first son has been my mentor in strengthening my faith and in believing that “To pray is to let go and let God take over.” And so He did!
Whenever I feel uncertain or worried about my big boy now, I know he has his own protectors and I humbly accept the difficult challenges I had when he was smaller.
Being a first time mom, back then, I thought that motherhood came with a manual where everything is perfectly set in place.
First time mommy has taught me about strengths I never imagined I have. It taught me to endure physical and emotional pain. It empowered me in ways I did not imagine I would, and it made me more realistic than I have ever been.
With him, motherhood was a mysterious deep ocean filled with anxious wild rides through which I experimented all those new emotions with uncertainty. At the same time, I learned to capture unique successful moments through the tangled twists and turns which resulted in the mother I am now.
My 2nd Son R:
The arrival of our second son was a blissful moment. I was delighted to have two little buddies who were there for each other, play with one another, and take care of each other. As I knew that I would not stop at two kids, I welcomed being a mom of two boys with pride.
Unlike the first time, I had a very smooth delivery filled with confidence and assurance. I even gave him his first bath, a few hours after delivery, knowing exactly what I was doing – not even looking at the nurse standing next to me.
Since the day he was born, I learned that a mom’s love is infinite and grows bigger and bigger with every additional child. That miraculous moment when a child breathes for the very first time and cries out, is just filled with a magical kind of love and gets repeated with every new child born.
My second son came to life with a thirst to learning and acquisition which taught me all about rationalism when it comes to parenting.
I learned that I could not force them to do what I want them to do. For children to learn to do things out naturally, they need to be convinced of its goodness and how well it serves them. It has to become a habit, a mode of living, and it is very difficult to attain. That is why, patience is the key. After all, it takes years of tears and trials for us to reap what we sowed.
I gradually learned to worry less as the frozen fears which I had, as a first time mom, slowly started to melt leaving greater space for me to enjoy them more. It was then that I quickly realized that children grow way too fast, and I wanted to make the best out of motherhood, in the finest way possible. I was more than happy to realize that I was no longer that apprehensive mommy.
My Third Son S
I experienced the real joy of motherhood with the presence of my third boy. His addition brought me an extra mile of satisfaction. I was more confident, patient, mature, and I somehow knew more about the impulsive traps of parenting.
Being alone with him at home, while the other two went to school, he soon became my companion and my buddy. I spent such precious moments with him, and when the other two came back home, that joy was automatically transferred to them.
My Third, clarified the idea of being easy going and of not judging myself too much. He taught me of being happy for the mere fact of having them with me. His buoyant character and self confidence made me appreciate the presence of my three little boys beyond words. I was so grateful for that contentment which I truly feel to this very moment.
Moreover, I learned to take any failure as a learning opportunity, just like them. I also became more focused on expressing my love towards them, and I deliberately attained the art of apologizing when I make mistakes or behave in a negative way.
The birth of the twins was a simple reflection of life’s endless miracles, the faultlessness of human formation, and the perfection of how God deciphers His astuteness through us.
I confess I did not really get the chance to fully rejoice motherhood with them, as I wanted to be completely present with each one of them. Of course many are the times when that was not possible. It is then that I accepted the fact that aiming at being the ideal mom would leave me frustrated and hopeless. Slowly, I redirected myself into focusing on the present moment and dealt with what needed to be done first.
The first few months were tough on every one at home. We felt we were all moving in different directions, but the support system I had back then, reduced those worries and made me more focused.
So prioritising my duties according to what suits them best was the key for me to overcome that period.
Finally, the twins’ presence, despite the differences in character, made me aware of the precious bond these two beings have. The love and affection they feel towards one another is unimaginable. Their bond is so pure and true, and the delight they pour into our hearts is heavenly.
It is really true that “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”
With my five I learned all about the ironic feelings of motherhood ranging from hopelessness to success, from acceptance to change, and from certainty to ambiguity. I learned all about perseverance, resilience, fear, guilt, and pride. I also learned about that unconditional love that drives us crazy many times a day. That is why, I will never cease to learn from them, and try my best to exert my patience in the best way possible in order for us to enjoy this period of time together.
What has your child taught you?
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