Being surrounded by a few new moms and hearing the various struggles they are going through with their little ones took me back twelve years ago. I was able to relate to a lot of the difficulties they are currently facing and was assuring them that this too shall pass. Listening to them also gave me the chance to reflect on the path that I have been on and was wondering what message would I have sent myself if I was able to go back in time?
First, I would lower my expectations to be the perfect mom with a perfect baby. At that time I thought I could maintain an organized routine the way I have always done. So instead of napping when he did, I continued to tidy up the house, cook, and do the never ending laundry. Moreover, he wasn’t the type of babies who slept through the night. I used to spend my days and nights indulged in feeding, diaper changing, and more of those inexplicable heartbreaking cries! The result; I was drained due to the excessive pressure I have put on myself by aiming to seek perfection.
Learn to accept reality :
I learned through my experience that I needed to be more patient and to happily accept the sudden changes that quickly became our daily routine.
I also learned that those long nights and endless cries will come to an end. It is only a stage before you move on to maybe yet another more complicated one.
Learn to accept advice:
I learned that advice coming from experienced people could be taken into consideration. For example, I completely refused to give my boy a pacifier thinking only of its disadvantages. I was also afraid that he might get attached to it, leaving me unable to control it later on. Instead, I would nurse him every time he started crying, wondering if I had enough milk supply!
Be less anxious:
I admit with my first, I was kind of worried about small and unimportant details, despite the fact that he was a healthy baby. By experience, I learned how these worries and anxieties can be felt by my babies. So why would I reflect negative feelings when I can supply them with excessive positive love?
Give some time for myself:
If I look back at how I neglected myself and my appearance at that time, I would be surprised. A friend once told me how important it was for me to go for a walk alone, have a Mani-padi every once in a while. Of course, I did not as I thought I would be that bad and egoistic mummy if I don’t sacrifice every single minute for him.
Give some time to my hubby:
In the same talking, I indirectly neglected our relationship focusing mainly on our baby, his needs, and then I would be too tired to even consider an outing or to spend some fun time with my hubby.
The good thing behind this, is that I have drastically changed throughout the years. I learned from my mistakes, as I matured into motherhood. Thankfully, I succeeded in avoiding these inconsistencies with my other children, and I learned to enjoy being a mom of five. After all nothing is worth all the stress, the guilt, the pain, and even the physical fatigue. What really matters is the loving positive message we can provide our precious children with, right from day one.
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