After the seminar which we had last week, I reassessed our parenting skills. My husband and I always try to modify our parenting methods, discuss where we failed, and try to see what our children think of their behaviour. However, having useful tips from professional people focuses our attention and attitude towards the right child-rearing abilities.
My grandmother always repeats a proverb that says, “Raising kids is like chewing on pebbles”. What a painful simile, but it is true. In the seminar, Mrs. Mardam Bey also mentioned that parenting is like growing pains; we either let it control us or we direct it in the proper manner.
Child-rearing, especially in our days and times, is one of the hardest occupations a parent can manage.
At times we scream our heads out, and other times we yell for simple mischiefs which our children might not be aware of. We are not perfect parents, because such parents do not exist. However, yelling does not solve the problem. In fact, chances are that they are obeying mainly because of fear, rather than having an internal mature drive to listen.
Nevertheless, if we focus on ourselves and change the way we make our requests, their attitude would definitely change and solid communication would be built.
Here are a few strategies I have been implementing for some time now with my children, and others which I have recently applied. The results are wonderfully pleasing. Note that sometimes I do feel that I am too tired of being too patient or from having to repeat the same requests again. It is simply human nature, yet I re-energise my soul by merely wondering; “How would I want my kids be like as adults?”
- No matter how busy I am, the minute one of my children comes to talk to me or ask me to do something for him/her, I would leave whatever I have at hand and do it. I took this from my mom who has always and still is a great shoulder to lean on. Most importantly is that I do it with passion and not as a duty. I do not get annoyed to stop whatever I am doing no matter how interesting it is.
- Instead of yelling from one room to the other, I walk over to my child, use eye contact and talk to him or her. Sometimes I feel too tired to move, but when you see the result of compliance, you know it is worth it.
- When they get too loud at the table or when we are in the car, I whisper my words and then silence resides. This is something I used to do with my students, and so far it is working perfectly well with the children.
- I do apologize from my kids if I say something or talk to them in a mean way. I explain to them that for us to have a calm house we need to understand our duties towards each other. By showing them respect, I get the same in return. I came across an interesting way of paraphrasing our sentences when they do not listen to us. For example, instead of saying,”How many times I told you not to throw your clothes on the floor, why are you so messy?” this sentence is much better,”I expect the room to be tidy by a half an hour. Thank you for your help.”
- After asking my youngest child to do a certain task, I have him repeat using his own words what he understood needs to be done. Usually when children are able to verbalize a certain message, they can easily do it.
In conclusion, when it comes to parenting there is no right or wrong method, but there are many tips which we can use or modify to fit into our lifestyle. That is how we will enjoy our children as much as we can. The way we react, is in fact a habit which we can alter and change to the better. Choosing a calm approach saves the day.